Friday, May 20, 2011

Confessions of a cell-aholic

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink, or about your body, what you will wear. Isn’t there more to life than food and more to the body than clothing?
Look at the birds in the sky: They do not sow, or reap, or gather into barns, yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Aren’t you more valuable than they are? And which of you by worrying can add even one hour to his life? Why do you worry about clothing? Think about how the flowers of the field grow; they do not work or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his glory was clothed like one of these! And if this is how God clothes the wild grass, which is here today and tomorrow is tossed into the fire to heat the oven, won’t he clothe you even more, you people of little faith? So then, don’t worry saying, ‘What will we eat?’ or ‘What will we drink?’ or ‘What will we wear?’ For the unconverted pursue these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But above all pursue his kingdom and righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. So then, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.
Today has enough trouble of its own. 
Matthew 6:25

Only recently, I was reminded of my commitment to become a SAHM in a year. I hadn't done much to try and achieve this goal, but a specific incident caught me off guard, and reminded me that no matter how I thought I could achieve this goal, God has a plan if only I'd listen, and follow through.

About a month ago I lost my cellphone on a run. At first it was quite painful, like losing a leg or an arm. In all honesty, I am quite the phone-aholic, I talked on the phone while I walked, while I read, while I was on Facebook, while I was writing, sitting, eating, you name it, I spent it on the phone.

Now, multitasking is not a big deal, being on the phone, not a crime, but with a cellphone, I was on the phone all the time. And when I wasn't on the phone? You guessed it! Texting. Going without a phone these days is something akin to electronic streaking. In the buff technology-wise. Until I lost the phone, I had not realized how much of my time, energy, and attention it ate away. It also made me dependant on other people. On friends, on family, unable to even buy a can of soup without calling someone and asking for input. (Sad I know... full disclosure: this happened more than once.) 
After reading the above Scriptures, I thought about my cell phone, and my inability to give it up. "Why am I holding on so tightly?" I wondered. The only reason I could think of for wanting to keep it was "for emergencies." Is God so unable to keep me safe that I need a cell phone that badly? I thought back over the past year, every time I had a true emergency, my phone had been dead, or I'd been in a bad service spot. By God's grace, all was well in the end.

So what is keeping me from letting go, and stepping out in faith? Even one little step? Having faced this, I decided I'd lost the cellphone for good. I called the company up, admitted to having paid the bill for a month whilst the phone was lost, and asked them to cancel the account.

Crazy? Yes. Wild? Absolutely. Worth it? Oh yeah. After committing to staying home with my girls in a year, I know I need to curb the spending. Much of it is as curbed as it can be, but in this case, I was holding onto something I didn't need. How many things do we all have that we don't need? I'd been living like God isn't even there, like He can't take care of me. I thought stepping out in faith was giving God the opportunity to replace my income, here stepping out in faith meant giving up my favorite thing and trusting God to take care of me even without my electronic security blanket.

Facing my wants squarely in the face, and committing to goals I cannot accomplish on my own has really brought God's plans to the forefront, and forced me to give it up to Him. I cannot accomplish this SAHM goal in one year without Him.

It takes realizing how little you need what you have, and how freeing it is to let go and let God, to step out and do the wild and crazy things. Boy is it ever worth it, though, scary, crazy, and all, God knows what He's doing, and He's got our future in His hands, whether we acknowledge Him or not.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Jeremiah 29:11

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